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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?